You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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