you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
