She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
