I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
