Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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