u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
