The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Shame - the story of my life.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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