Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
