Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
