I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
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he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
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Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
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