you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
