chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
