You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
