Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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