Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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