just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
