TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
