I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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