I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
