just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
only you would photoshop your dick
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
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all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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