life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
