Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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