Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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