I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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