i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
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These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
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Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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