DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
