i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
