An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
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it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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