I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sorry about my life...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
