dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
