I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
