Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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