these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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