my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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