apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
