Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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