i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
