I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
