I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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