dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
