Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
