Only a mothe r could love this liver
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
