You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
