i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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