Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
