Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
