A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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