I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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