Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
