she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
