I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize