Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
