I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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