low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize