We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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