He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
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I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
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This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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