Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
