Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
