worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize