If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
