my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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