my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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