Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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