if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
