fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
