She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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