To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
