Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
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