Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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