3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
two words: eviction party
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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